


I don't wanna be an asshole anymore (baby baby I'll be good to you)

by deadexjedi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Arguing, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cheating, Getting Back Together, Hurt Yuuri, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Punk band, Recreational Drug Use, Shoplifting, Smoking, Toxic Relationship, Victor was an asshole, Victor's Baggage, ex boyfriends, not between victor and yuuri, obscenely wealthy Victor, punk yuuri, street tagger yuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9806699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadexjedi/pseuds/deadexjedi
Summary: You’re the only lover that I ever missAnd I’ve been hopelessly in love withLook at this tangle of thornsI don't wanna be an asshole anymoreVictor was a shitty boyfriend, he was jealous and paranoid and never let Yuuri sing lead in any shows even though Yuuri wrote all the songs. He cheated on Yuuri and dumped him for the daughter of a music producer and broke up their band.Now, Yuuri found someone who actually treats him like he deserves and actually proposed after six months of a perfect relationship. Yuuri was ready to forget about Victor and be happy- until Victor calls him, sounding drunk and needy, begging Yuuri to take him back.





	1. Chapter 1

“Katsuki Yuuri, will you marry me?” the gorgeous, tall, blond man kneeling in front of him had the most heartfelt, genuine smile Yuuri has ever seen- and the ring, a classic sliver band with a diamond center piece had been presented with shaky hands,

“oh my god,” Yuuri nearly whispers, voice cracking because he was surprised, and happy, so happy he can barely breathe. “y-yes, Ryan, yes!”

There are tears coming out of both their eyes as Ryan quickly pushes the ring on Yuuri’s finger, then kisses it in excitement. Yuuri couldn’t wait to kiss his boyfriend- no, fiancé, on the lips as he leapt into his arms.

Everything was just so perfect- so happy and good and Yuuri hasn’t felt so warm in such a long time. He thought he’d suffer from heartbreak forever, but as everyone told him, time would heal all things. And it did- he stopped crying over his breakup and met an amazing guy who loved him for everything he was and didn’t hesitate to tell him every day. Sure, they’ve only dated for six months, but Yuuri was sure that Ryan was the right person for him, and not just some rebound like his idiot ex posted on facebook.

Yes, his ex boyfriend, Victor Nikiforov, aka the lead singer of their old band still seemed look for every damn opportunity to knock him down- despite the fact that he was the one who cheated, kicked Yuuri out of their band when they fought, and dumped him to be with some daughter of a music producer. And after, he had bragged about how happy and free he was without Yuuri on social media, tagging him in pictures of Victor kissing different people, drinking in nightclubs and even pictures of him singing in that brand new studio.

‘never sellout’ my ass, Yuuri thought bitterly.

Punk rock ethics aside, Victor crushed Yuuri’s heart and his dreams- he never sang or played guitar after their breakup. (not like Victor ever let him sing lead anyway) Instead, he re-applied for college and began studying art while making coffee in the student center. Life isn’t perfect, but Yuuri’s trying.

Yuuri and Ryan took their excitement and love to Ryan’s apartment- and celebrated in his bedroom until their legs are shaking and numb, and they’re too exhausted to move.

Ryan was unconscious at this point, his arms wrapped around Yuuri’s waist gently. Yuuri smiles and relaxes. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, (Ryan didn’t like Riot Grrrl) they fought, argued and made each other cry- but they always talked, Ryan always encouraged communication, while Victor liked to be petty and hurt Yuuri by going to clubs or bars to dance and flirt with others. Yuuri was so used to being punished emotionally, that he forgot what it was like to just have an honest conversation with someone.

Another thing that Yuuri was loved with that Yuuri’s family adored Ryan, his mother gushed over how handsome and strong he looked. And his dad loved talking to him about sports, cars or whatever Yuuri wasn’t interested in. His sister didn’t glare at him, which was a victory.

Yuuri was going to have such a happy life with his fiancé, and he’s going to heal from whatever scars that Victor left him and never see that bastard again.

 

...

 

Until his phone vibrates beside him, and the DO NOT CALL/TEXT caller ID shows up.

 _Don’t even think about answering_ , Yuuri warned himself, honestly, he should have just blocked that number. He knew where ever Victor was- he’d find a way to ruin Yuuri’s good mood and confidence.

It goes to voicemail.

“Yuuuuuriiii,” Victor’s words were slurred.  He sounded like he was crying , “I-I missss youu, I-I’m drunk right now because, I can’t live without you-”

He sounded downright miserable

“pleaseee Yuuri, my beautiful, beeeautiful song bird, I’m so sorry, I’m an asshole, please take me back! I never wanted anyone else, promisseee”

Ryan didn't seem bothred, he was still asleep happily beside Yuuri.

For his own sake, he picks up the phone,

“Victor, fuck you. Don’t call me again” Yuuri said as coldly and as confidently as he could, he was never the strongest person- and he let Victor take advantage of it before.

“nooooo Yuuurriii I-I’ll kill myself right now if you don’t come see me!” he threatens between sobs, “there’s no life without you Yuuurriii”

Fuck. It’s such a Victor move- to hurt him and get him to feel guilty for it.

Yuuri hates that he’s worried right now- and he should just call Christophe to pick him up, but-

“where are you?” Yuuri asks, his voice is tight, “I-I’ll at least make sure you’re safe”

“OHMYGOSH Yuuri!!!” he almost screams, “I-I’m at the corner bar! On 8th avenue!!! Please come see me I’ll kiss you until you-”

Yuuri sighs and hangs up, he already knows he’s going to regret this. Grabbing the keys to Ryan’s car, he drives downtown to where Victor’s nice high rise building was. He always had money, being the son of a doctor and a business man.

The bar he talked about was probably 2 blocks away, but the way Victor sound tonight, he would most likely pass out before making it home.

It definitely wasn’t Yuuri’s responsibility to get him home, but one of his worse traits was that he was such a nice and caring person- even to people that does nothing but hurt him. So there he was, driving across town to make sure his asshole ex boyfriend was safe and sound after a night of drinking.

…

Victor was in a worse state than Yuuri thought, he got kicked out of the bar and was crying on the street outside. He looked so broken and dishevelled, Yuuri had to suppress the feeling of heartache. It’s not fair, Yuuri thought, seeing Victor brag about how happy he was without Yuuri hurt like hell, and now knowing that Victor was suffering hurt too. He didn’t want this, he just wanted to be left alone.

“Yuuri!” Victor cries upon seeing his saviour- and gets up to hug the beautiful sight before him, unfortunately, in his drunken state, he only managed to knock Yuuri over.

“get up, Victor,” Yuuri sighs, he sounded upset. Victor just wanted to pull Yuuri in his arms and kiss him till he smiles, but sadly, Yuuri was dodging his lips and pushing him off. “come on, rockstar”

And with that old nickname, Victor starts ugly wailing again- oh, god. Yuuri called him that before they even started dating.

“Victor,” Yuuri sighs, his voice was sharp and unpleasant, clashing with the pretty soft natural tone that made Victor melt every damn time.

How did it all go so wrong? Victor just wants Yuuri back in his arms, he wanted it for six fucking months that Yuuri was gone.

And now, Yuuri didn’t even look happy to see him. The hurt in his eyes were very familiar when he starts talking,

“you cheated on me, remember?"

...

 

_“look, Yuuri” Victor said, with a cold, smug grin. And Yuuri felt his body go rigid- “it’s Tana Moon, she’s a fucking ten and her dad said he’d produce my album. You didn’t think I’d be with some, small town tagger than can barely sing forever, did you?”_

_“oh”_

_Yuuri doesn’t shout, doesn’t scream or even bother with insults. He saw it coming, a long time ago, that this handsome, rich, talented man would leave him as soon as he found something better. Yuuri wasn’t worth his time after all, but he was so damn hurt- because Victor made him believe at some point that he loved Yuuri. But that was probably a lie, to keep Yuuri from asking too many questions and making demands. So he could keep hurting Yuuri without consequences._

_Yuuri gives him a sad, tired look that Phichit described as the look of a battered spouse. He couldn’t control the tears or the numbness in his body._

_He wanted to stand up for himself, tell Victor was an asshole. Instead, he told Victor to go,_

_“if you want to be with Tana,” Yuuri said, he sounded incredibly small and sad, “then go, I won’t try to stop you”_

_Yuuri didn’t recognize the look on Victor’s face, but it was an unpleasant one, something resembling hurt. Yuuri didn’t want to stay and find out, Victor was just going to hurt him more. So he turns around and leaves._

_Victor doesn’t stop him, because he had Tana, his good looks, his money and his up and coming music career._

_He has all these wonderful things, so of course he’d toss Yuuri out like trash._

Oh, he had said that out loud. And Yuuri was right, he was horrible, he was the worst boyfriend ever and all of his exs had told him that. But when Yuuri said it, it actually hurt- because he didn’t want to be a bad boyfriend to Yuuri. He wanted to be the best damn boyfriend Yuuri’s ever had and marry him in a small church surrounded by family and friends.

He supposed he just had too many bad habits, and he destroyed Yuuri with them. Victor knew he was jealous, paranoid and he lashes out way too often.

Before he knew it, he was out of Yuuri’s car and back at his own apartment.

…

There, done. Yuuri thought, now he go and sleep with his fiancé-

“nooo, please don’t leave Yuuri!” Victor wailed, his arms wrapped around Yuuri, who’s body stiffened at the warm hold.

He remembered those warm, tight hugs that Victor gave when he wanted Yuuri to stay. Yuuri knew he was a runner, he didn’t like to be crowded, especially when he was emotional. When he got sad, hurt- he just runs away, but Victor wouldn’t let him, he held on tight, and let Yuuri cry, scream and fall right in to his arms.

He made a mistake coming here tonight. Taking a trip down memory lane with Victor wasn’t what he wanted, but he made the stupid decision- and now he’s aching inside again and he can’t pry the crying drunk off him.

He was going to have to shatter Victor.

“I have to go back to my fiancé,” Yuuri steels his nerves, “let me go”

His heart broke when Victor’s face plummeted, a fresh wave of tears rushing out,

“why?!” Victor’s voice was angry and laced with accusation, he towered over Yuuri. “why would you do this to me?”

Yuuri felt a familiar wave of fear and shame- Victor always liked to pry. When they were happy and joking around, Victor kept asking about his ex lovers and sexual experiences, then when he was mad or jealous, he’d ask what Yuuri did with anyone else that wasn’t him. He’d accuse Yuuri of cheating, of being a slut and shout until they were both crying.

_“you were out with Phichit again?!” Victor sounded pissed, and Yuuri instantly cowers, “where’d you go? Clubbing? Parties?”_

_“we just went out for a drink,” Yuuri explains, his voice pleading, “you go out with your friends too”_

_“don’t make this about me,” Victor snaps, “it’s the fact that you come back, smelling like alcohol and perfume- you fucking cheater”_

_“people wear perfume when they go out” Yuuri protested, already tearing up. He hated yelling, he hated it when Victor yelled. “and the bar was crowded, I’m sorry”, I didn't cheat on you!_

_He hadn’t done anything wrong, but he figured Victor would calm down at bit if he apologized._

_“always with the fucking excuses,” Victor spits bitterly, standing too close for Yuuri’s comfort, “you’re fucking mine, don’t fucking forget that”_

_His hands were tight on Yuuri’s jaw, the hold was uncomfortable, but Yuuri was almost scared to shake it off,_

_“o-ok Victor,” he stuttered, and Victor lets go, a bit more forcefully than Yuuri expected, and he found himself stumbling back, rubbing the side of his face._

“fuck you,” Yuuri spat, he wasn’t taking Victor’s shit anymore, if he learned anything from being with Ryan is that he didn’t deserve this kind of bullshit, “you cheated on me, dumped me and fucking rubbed in my face that you were happy without me, I was fucking miserable for so long, and I finally met someone that made me feel like maybe I deserve more than that. So yeah, I’m engaged to him, and I’m happy, and I’m never letting anyone hurt me like you did ever again.”

Victor froze, Yuuri has never stood up for himself like that, ever. He was crying and he was pissed. He should just leave now.

Instead, he let Victor pull him into his arms and cried into his shoulder,

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Victor murmurs sadly, his tears falling into Yuuri’s hair, he sounded genuinely regretful, “I’m an asshole, I know, you deserve the world, Yuuri”

And he lets Victor kiss him, softly and slowly with so much love and desperation it left Yuuri reeling. He needed to push Victor off, slap him and go home. But he stayed, and let Victor steal his breath away. He felt so warm in Victor’s hold- just like the old times.

There were good memories, and Yuuri loved them, loved him- and all the good times felt so much like this.

Victor was his first love, Yuuri realised with dread that he'd never stop loving him. Because there was a reason that he let Victor in his life so long ago, because Victor, with all of his baggage, made Yuuri's heart swell. Victor lit a dumpster fire in his heart, and Yuuri just can't put it out.

With ragged breathing and his heart pounding, he let Victor do whatever he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

Victor wakes up next morning with a pounding headache and every part of his body felt incredibly dry- like someone went ahead and sucked out all the fluids from his body. The thing about self-shots till 11 then drinking half a bar was that it always comes back and bite you in the ass, no matter how tall and Russian you are.

Then he remembers why he was still alive and uninjured. Yuuri Katsuki. The only person in the whole world gives a shit whether he lives or dies without him offering money or sex. And like an angel from the heavens, Yuuri left a glass of water and painkillers beside his lamp and closed every curtain in the bedroom. He takes whatever Yuuri offers him, even though he’s not sure if it’s over the counter stuff, but he isn’t doing a drug test anytime soon and figures he better get up and eat something.

On his couch, covered in blankets and looking at his phone was the angel that brought him home. _Yuuri._ Just the sight of his ex boyfriend aka the love of his life made his heart pound and headache disappear.

“oh, Victor” he looks up, sounding incredibly calm despite Victor’s behaviour last night, “when you uh, passed out, I was exhausted so I smoked your weed and made some mac and cheese- I left you a bowl in the pot, and I slept here”

He doesn’t sound sorry at all for stealing, Victor snorts. Yuuri never had any qualms when it came to taking something that’s not his. Or maybe that’s just with him.

“shit, it’s good” Victor’s eyes widen, taking a bite out of the cold noodles “you made this out of that two dollar box?”

“I added butter and milk,” Yuuri shrugs,

Victor sat down beside him to eat, and Yuuri didn’t seem to mind.

“why do you have this?” Yuuri holds up a tape, looking at Victor incredulously, “I don’t even have a copy”

Right. The band Yuuri was in when he was 16, with some annoying pretentious buzz cut having girl named Anise. Yuuri gave it to him as a joke on his birthday, it was one of the songs he actually sang,

“I Cut Some Guy’s Breaks Because He Groped Me Outside a 7/11’s” Yuuri reminisces, “Anise wrote it, I think we won Battle of the Bands with this song,”

“I like it,” Victor admitted, “you’re uh, really good”

“thanks,” Yuuri looks down, and twists his ring a bit, “Victor, about last night”

Yuuri looks nervous, and Victor cringes. Yes, he remembers all of it.

“it was, uh, really uncomfortable, but,” Yuuri pauses, “I don’t think I hate you anymore, not that I want to be friends or anything, but um, yeah. Also, I’m engaged. I don’t know if you _actually_ still like me or not, but I need you to never try to kiss me or ask me to get back together with you again”

Victor felt his heart sink- Yuuri was right, last night, he crossed some kind of line. He especially shouldn’t have kissed Yuuri, or gotten his hopes up when Yuuri didn’t push him away. He isn’t sure, but there might have been a second that Yuuri kissed back.

But none of this mattered- he needed to be better to Yuuri, even if it means not having Yuuri in his arms ever again. Because Victor does want to be a good person, and Yuuri inspired that in him. He remembers Yuuri telling him that he didn’t have to become his parents- and he could love and be loved, no matter what baggage he carried from his past. Yuuri was the perfect example of that, no matter how Victor treated him, he was unconditionally kind and patient- he never took that anger out on anyone else.

Six month without his love made him feel much older, and his world cold and meaningless. He never told Yuuri, but he was Victor’s first love. And that scared him so much, it brought out all kinds of feelings and emotions that he never dealt with. He didn’t know how to be good to Yuuri, and like a saint, Yuuri took it all in silence.  And at some point, Yuuri got too close, and Victor loved him so much that he knew it would hurt someday. So, to save his pride and all the pain that would come inevitably, he left. And now, he had to watch Yuuri disappear- and it was his own fault.

“Yuuri,” Victor said softly, trying to smile over his crushing disappointment, “I understand- I promise not to interfere with your love life, I just… don’t want you to disappear forever. I miss you.”

“ok,” Yuuri takes a deep breath, and gives Victor a shaky grin in return, “let’s not cut each other off then”

Watching Yuuri leave was the hardest thing he had to do, but he better get used to it at some point. The only thing he has anymore is inebriated fucking with strangers and the promise of an album that he has no passion to write.

…

Yuuri felt like cursing, fucking Victor. Of course he’d act like the man that Yuuri fell in love with so long ago just as soon as he was ready to move on.

He wanted to cry, but he was walking down the street, picking up some milk for Ryan, who was so damn understanding about Yuuri leaving all night to help a friend. Because that’s the kind of person Ryan was, sweet, kind and trusting. He was probably the nicest guy in Detroit- Yuuri doesn’t even remember how many wonderful surprises Ryan left him- five star hotel rooms covered in roses and expensive wine, flying his family out from Japan, the expensive clothes, shoes and that guitar for his birthday. He did all of that and never once made Yuuri felt like he owned him anything. Not to mention that Ryan does fucking volunteer work every other weekend and made it his mission to take on every cause ever- from protesting to donating whenever he could. It made Yuuri start loving him- but now it just made him feel guilty. He was, as Yuri Plisetsky called him, a _flip flop bitch._ Saying that he’s never going to talk to Victor again to letting Victor kiss him on the lips.

 _I didn’t kiss Victor back, at least,_ Yuuri tried to convince himself, _he fell on me and I stole his weed, that’s it._

Yuuri lights a cigarette, and mentally apologizes to Ryan again because he promised he’d quit. Of course he’d do that after Ryan gave him that pout and said he just wanted Yuuri to be healthy. He felt like shit.

He’d make it up to Ryan, and let him know that Yuuri loves him. Sure, Yuuri didn’t think of him romantically when they first met, but Ryan made him fall in love with his wonderful personality and every kind thing he did.

Maybe Yuuri could serenade him with a song? Buy him a watch? Who knows. All he knows is that he owns his fiancé everything.

 

…

 

“what should I give him?” Yuuri whines into his phone, to his very busy best friend and law student, Phichit Chulanont 

“anal.” Phichit replies dryly,

“I’ve done that already!” Yuuri complained, his face flushing, “be serious,”

“Yuuri- I’m trying to decide on my essay topic! The outline is due in 2 weeks!”

“what if I help you decide?!” Yuuri bargained, “then you can help me with my problem?”

“seriously?” Phichit says, disbelief in his voice, “you, an art student, is going to help me chose a case to write about?”

“sure,” Yuuri shrugs, “tell me what you’re considering”

“fine,” Phichit sighs, “Gideon vs Wainwright, Plessy vs Ferguson or-”

“beatles vs stones,” Yuuri jokes

“Yuuri!” Phichit says irritably, “I’m serious!”

“sorry, sorry” Yuuri laughs, “I uh, have no idea what those are, actually, but still, you should help me, pleaaseee Phichit, you’re my best friend and I love you”

“fine,” Phichit says eventually and sighs, “why don’t you symbolically adopt one of those rescue animals from the WWF website, like a giant panda or something, he loves that kind of stuff, right?”

“shit, that’s actually a great idea!” Yuuri exclaims, “thank you, you’re a life savor!!!”

“sure,” Phichit snorts, “but you better not fuck up again, I actually like Ryan”

“…I didn’t tell you I-”

“I know you, Yuuri, you whined when I picked up, and it’s a I-fucked-up whine.”

“ok ok,” Yuuri grumbled, “good luck with the paper, bye”

He hangs up and smiles, everything was going to be ok.

 

…

 

“you hungover again?” Christophe, one of Victor’s only friends asked, “it’s Wednesday, the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Yuuri’s engaged!” he moaned sadly into the coffee table,

“good for him,” Chris actually looks happy for Yuuri, damn traitor, Victor scowled. What if his fiancé was some kind of murderer, or worse, what if he treats Yuuri like shit because Yuuri has such low self-esteem?

“but, he said we could be friends,” Victor pointed out, “which means I could see Yuuri all the time!”

“don’t.” Chris says flatly, “that’ll only hurt you, and him.”

“I have no intentions of hurting Yuuri,” Victor said, offended by Chris’s accusation, “I just wanted to make up for all the shit I pulled”

“…what are you planning,” Chris gives Victor a suspicious look, and Victor raises his arm in defense,

“nothing!” Victor protested, “well…”

He was going to ask Yuuri on a double date, not to spy on The Fiancé, but to cement their friendship, honestly. Maybe things will be easier for Victor if he finds out that the fiancé was an ugly jerk and-

“I’ll stop you right there,” Chris sighs, “it’s not a bad idea, it shows that you moved on, but you have no date- and Yuuri will tell if you bring some random one nighter out”

“then you can come with me!” Victor decided happily, Chris just glares. “oh, come on! You can chaperone, make sure I behave!”

“…you own me” Chis says finally, “you’re coming with me next week to shop and get mani-pedis”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't promote toxic relationships, but I guess I'm the kind of person that could over look alot? I hope no one reads this and decides 'omg im gonna let ppl treat me badly'. Absolutely dump someone for hurting you.


	3. Chapter 3

Chris doesn’t even look at Victor when they step into the fancy restaurant. That’s fine because Victor was too busy oogling Yuuri, in that suit that Victor had picked out for him so long ago and looking so self-conscious, like he doesn’t belong or something.

Ridiculous, Victor scoffed, Yuuri was easily the most beautiful person in any place or setting. Including this one, he doesn’t see anyone in the whole damn restaurant that’s even close to being as perfect as Yuuri was.

And suddenly, Yuuri’s eyes light up and- oh. Yuuri’s fiancé. Victor still can’t think or say that without an eyeroll.

The fiancé,  (who wasn’t even that attractive, he looks like an uglier version of Brad Pitt or something. It’s not even Yuuri’s type? Since when did he date guys like that?! Wasn’t Yuuri into punk bad boy types with silver hair?) takes Yuuri’s hand gently and approaches him and Chris

“shit,” Chris says with a low whistle, “they look good together, good for Yuuri, good for them _both_ ”

“Chris,” Victor says through gritted teeth, “I’m stabbing you with the salad fork”

“just being honest,” Chris says with a shrug, “you should be happy for Yuuri too, he’s landed himself the American dream”

“whatever,” Victor rolls his eyes, “he could be a jerk, you know, he could be a jerk who kicks puppies and-”

“I’m going to stop you right there, Victor,” Chris sighs, “let’s just go and have a nice dinner, and prove to Yuuri that you don’t have any bad intention even though you’re lying to him about your date”

“Chris,” Victor gives him a deadly serious look, “not even God can stop me if that idiot fiancé doesn’t treat him right”

Much to Victor’s dismay, Yuuri and his fiancé were holding hands all the way to the table, laughing along to whatever Chris was saying.

So he seemed ‘nice’, whatever, anyone can pretend to be nice.

“Yuuri!” Victor calls with a fake cheer in his voice, “I got you an engagement gift.”

Chris all but glares at Victor, who shrugs, feinting innocence.

“t-thank you Victor!” Yuuri smiles beautifully, Victor all but swoons. And even that damn fiancé, ugh _Ryan_ , looked thankful.

He watches carefully as Yuuri opens the horribly taped wrapping paper, and pulls out a CD.

Because Victor was capable of giving mature, thoughtful gifts and not just throw money at things, of course.

“oh my god,” Yuuri gasped, his face looking incredibly surprised and delighted, “t-this is…”

“yup, all the covers our band did,” Victor says proudly, he swears there’s a single tear coming out of Yuuri’s eyes out of happiness,

“even the..?” Yuuri looks up, his hands covering his flushing cheeks,

“even the shitty Operation Ivy covers,” Victor confirmed.

What Yuuri did next, Victor did not expect but loved all the same, he actually gets up and comes over to hug Victor, tightly.

“Ryan,” Yuuri turns to his boyfriend again, “I know you don’t like my noisy punk music but you’re gonna have to listen to his the whole way back”

Ugh. Right, Fiancé, that kills the mood. At least he’d have to listen to Yuuri gush about Victor's singing on their ride back.

“Victor, I got you something too,” Yuuri says shyly, “well, it’s for you and Chris, so… but you probably shouldn’t open it now…”

Yuuri hands him a cute gift bag, Victor smiles and looks inside. Ah. A very Yuuri gift. A portable electric vape with some sort of flavored filter. Victor doesn’t even get to appreciate it before Chris snatches it from his hands,

“I’m keeping it,” he whispers, then thanks Yuuri.

“also,” Yuuri turns to Ryan with a brilliant smile, “I got you this!”

He pulls of a piece of paper. What?

“oh, wow!” Ryan looks at the writing, and immediately kisses his fiancé, who’s face is very red and happy, “a panda adoption!”

Then he explains to a confused Chris that it was some animal rights garbage that Victor doesn’t care about. He loved animals as much as the next guy, but Ryan was so annoying about it.

When their waitress finally arrives, everyone makes their order except for Yuuri- who looks very nervous and confused. Victor has been through this with him, sometimes Yuuri gets so caught up chatting he forgets to look at the menu. Plus, he never really liked expensive, fancy restaurants. He always took Victor to taco bell or something like that.

Victor was just about to suggest something when Ryan fucking orders food for Yuuri. Controlling much? Ugh. And Yuuri looked grateful about it too. He was going to need a lot more wine than he thought to get through the night.

 

…

 

Everything was going wonderfully according to Yuuri. Chris was sweet, and Ryan, as always, is just such a great guy. He thinks even Victor likes him- or maybe not, he cringes as Victor sends his fiancé another cold look.

He’s trying, at least. Yuuri thought, everyone loved Ryan, and Victor would definitely be friends with him at some point, considering they’re both sheltered rich boys. Hell, if they wanted to, they could probably spend hours telling each other embarrassing stories of Yuuri. As much as Yuuri tried to deny it in the last few months, Victor knew him, and the gift proves it. Maybe Victor was going to be a better person and get along with his fiance without throwing a fit. 

That should have made Yuuri happy or proud, but he felt a sense of dread instead. What if he falls for-

“Yuuri!” Ryan’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, “Victor was telling me that you had a beautiful voice, why don’t you ever sing for me?”

“ah,” Yuuri answered shyly, “I’m not that good, I mostly write”

“you’re amazing,” Victor pretty much gushes,

“a true nightingale,” Chris comments smoothly, cutting Victor off “really, Ryan, you should ask Yuuri to sing for you every night”

“so talented,” Ryan looks at Yuuri with adoration in his eyes, “you can sing, draw and write, what can’t you do?”

“math,” Yuuri jokes, “history, science, geography- I actually failed over six course in high school”

“too busy singing and marking up the neighbourhood?” Victor teases,

“it’s a form of activism,” Yuuri defended himself proudly, “when people don’t listen, you gotta spell- or spray it out for them, just like the music stuff I did, I think it changes stuff”

“my dad’s a land developer, so I can’t officially support your street art,” Ryan says, “but I personally think you make this world so much more beautiful”

Oh. Right. This is why Yuuri fell in love with him. He leans in and kisses his surprised fiancé, biting his lower lip lightly and drew out a soft groan from him. Pulling away, he gives a dazed Ryan a very suggestive look. That comment was going earn this man the best sex of his life.

Yuuri doesn’t like to admit it, but the best sex he’s ever had was with Victor, he swears that every time they get it on, it feels like they haven’t fucked for sixty years or something. It was rough, dirty and so damn good.

But Ryan was great too, he made Yuuri feeling amazingly confident. Yuuri loves climbing on his fiancé and riding him as fast as the wind could take him. Ryan just made him feel so good and comfortable- and Yuuri should probably think of something else before making the night weird.

When he looks up, Victor just gives him this… half smirk. Of course Victor would know exactly what Yuuri was thinking. Feeling his cheeks heat up, he turns away from the intense stare.

He sees Victor pull out his phone, and type something. Then, immediately, his own phone vibrates.

 **DO NOT CALL/TEXT:** what r u thinking about? ;)

“really?” Yuuri quirked an eyebrow at the smug looking man sitting across from him. Victor shrugged innocently. Yuuri returns a devious grin.

 **Yuuri </3**: fucking.

He’s joking, mostly.

 **DO NOT CALL/TEXT** : ooo, lucky Ryan. ;) what r u planning?

 **Yuuri </3**: I’m gonna slap him in his stupid handsome face, jump him & ride him till he screams, then make him some katsudon

 **DO NOT CALL/TEXT** : ur evil, yuuri

 **Yuuri </3**: it’s called wife material. Lol jk

 **DO NOT CALL/TEXT:** so jealous… I kno tht look… ;) ur not joking at all… are you?

And now it’s getting awkward, for some reason. Yuuri decided to put his phone away because talking about sex, even jokingly, with Victor was a bad idea. He’s just going to sit and enjoy his dinner.

…

 

When the night is finally over, and Victor left with his boyfriend (they didn’t seem that close for some reason, Yuuri was only getting friendship vibes). He let his sweet, unassuming boyfriend hold his hand to the parking lot.

“baby, get in the back” Yuuri purred, stopping Ryan from getting into the drivers seat.

“wha..” Ryan looked confused, but slight aroused.

Good, he caught on.

Yuuri put in the CD Victor gave him, then turned it all the way up before climbing in the back and on top of his sweet fiancé, who was already half hard.

 

_Hey, I don’t get off that easily_

_So don’t take it easy on me_

_Try to wipe that stupid smile off my face_

 

Not letting Victor’s voice make it weird, he pulls at Ryan’s hair, hard, and kissed him until he couldn’t breath.

“fuck, Yuuri” Ryan gasped hungrily, letting Yuuri slam his head back into the seat and took his shirt off.

 

_When your hands are wrapped around_

_The front of my throat_

_You know I never want you to let go_

 

Pinning Ryan’s hands down, Yuuri smirks and began kissing his jaw, and down to his neck- sucking at every sensitive spot he knew.

 

_I want you to dominate me_

_I want you to violate me_

_(I want you to) Then for what it’s worth_

_(I want you to) Pretend you hate me_

 

Grinding down on his fiancé, who at this point would probably cum as soon as Yuuri touched his dick, Yuuri unzips his fiance’s tightening pants and-

_Mmm, Victor_

Oh shit.

_That was not the sexy thought he wanted._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i being unfair to victor? maybe, (even tho im just trying to write about an irresponsible young adult.)  
> do i just want my ex who treated me unfairly to come back and tell me they love me? i don't want to talk about it.  
> anyway, sorry if the characterization seems off, I've never been good at catching the right way to look at a situation (yes im unhappy about some aspects of canon yoi). Feel free to leave both happy and unhappy comments- I think maybe if u yell at me I'll be less of a demon projecting my feelings through fictional characters, but maybe not.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor's perspective, on what happened. Warning, actual domestic violence, not between Victor and Yuuri or Yuuri and Ryan. Very short, nothing graphic.

_“shit, I hope you’re not expecting to me drive back,” Victor says breathless, still in awe, “because I can’t feel my entire lower body, or much of my upper body”_

_“it’s fine,” Yuuri laughs, throwing his head back into Victor’s chest, “I don’t think I can move either,”_

_The backseat was cramped, but somehow it fit them both, with Victor lying down and Yuuri nearly on top of him, wrapped in his arms. Victor couldn’t help but press tiny kisses in his boyfriend's hair every now and then, making Yuuri giggle in glee._

_“guess we’re not going to that party tonight,” Yuuri says, unbothered, “too bad, I wanted to see Kaila’s penthouse”_

_“go on vacation with me,” Victor whispers, kissing Yuuri’s cheekbone, “my uncle in New York never goes home- we can crash at his penthouse, drink all his wine, fuck on his-”_

_“that isn’t weird for you?” Yuuri asks, and Victor replies by kissing him on the lips,_

_“nah,” he scoffs, “my uncle is the definition of having too much money, he buys new silk sheets every month for the aesthetics- he’s big on color scheme. Still, it’s pretty tacky most of the times, but it’s comfortable at least”_

_“so, it doesn’t count as a break in if he’s your uncle?” Yuuri jokes,_

_“no,” Victor says, then pause, “at least I don’t think he’d call the cops on us,”_

_“what would you do,” Yuuri strokes Victor’s cheek lightly, “if we got arrested”_

_“tell them I was under influence,” Victor replies, and gives Yuuri this soft, loving gaze, “love made me do it”_

_“you love me?” Yuuri stares at Victor hopefully,_

_“I love you, Katsuki Yuuri,” Victor says, his voice breaking a bit, “I love you so much, you make me so damn happy”_

_“should we get married or something?” Yuuri half jokes, a happy tear coming out of his own eye,_

_“let’s do it now!” Victor exclaimed, “in the back seat of this- cum filled car”_

_“ew,” Yuuri giggles into Victor’s chest, “who’s gonna marry us?”_

_“hold on,” Victor says, and reaches for his phone._

_“VICTOR!” the voice on the other end growls, “it’s midnight you fucking piece of-!”_

_“Yuri!” Victor greeted, ignoring the shouting, “me and the other Yuuri, the cute one, want to get married right now! But we’re stuck in a car because we fucked so hard we can’t move- so can you marry us?”_

_“I’m gonna kill you tomorrow” was the last thing Yuri Plisetsky said before hanging up,_

_“rude,” Victor grumbled, “how can one Yuuri be so wonderful, and the other a complete-”_

_“you called him in the middle of the night and told him you had sex,” Yuuri pointed out,_

_“you’re on his side?” Victor pouted, and sighed dramatically, “my own boyfriend, no, almost husband, betrayed me!”_

_“Victor!” Yuuri groaned, smacking his arm lightly, “don’t be ridiculous, you know I love you”_

_“I do,” Victor smiles at the reminder, and kisses Yuuri again, “and I love hearing it”_

 

…

 

“Yuuri, promise you won’t get mad at me,” Ryan says breathlessly, rubbing Yuuri’s wrists gently,

“what’s up?” Yuuri whispers, smiling in Ryan’s arms,

“I was just thinking, we could hang out with Victor more if you wanted,” he confesses, “it just that, you guys seemed like really good friends- and I’ve never met him before. If we’re going to be married someday, I want to know more about you, including who you’re friends with”

“oh.” Yuuri says, furling his brows, “um, ok. Why would I be mad?”

“because,” Ryan kisses at a bruise spot on Yuuri’s neck, “we just had amazing sex, and I’m talking about Victor”

“don’t worry about it” Yuuri jokes, then looks down, “lots of people think of Victor when they have sex”

“no!” Ryan protested, horrified at the suggestion, “Yuuri- I love you, I’m not thinking about Victor, at all, why would I when you’re like, perfect-”

“I’m kidding,” Yuuri cuts in, and kisses his fiancé reassuringly, “I think that’s an… interesting idea, but you don’t have to-”

“Yuuri,” he says softly, “I want to know everything about you”

And what else could Yuuri do but agree and kiss him senseless

…

Victor wasn’t ashamed to say he thought of Yuuri getting himself off tonight. Realistically, he could go out and find someone do it for him, but he wasn’t feeling anyone else, really.

Anyway, he wasn’t ever ashamed of having sex- whether with a man or woman, or just jerking off even though his dad was some, abstinence promoting, homophobic republican freak who cheats every other weekend.

It probably had something to do with that girl, Grace something from his catholic high school, who retaliated against the misogynist, ugly replacement of sex ed. they were supposed to have. She masturbated in the gym showers and put packets of condoms and lube everywhere, as well as homemade feminist posters.

Of course, she was suspended, but it somehow sparked a weird sexual rebellion where people just, touched themselves and talked about it, shared their weird kinks and someone at some point helped Victor figure out that he was interested in men.  

He had been very ashamed of it in the beginning, or rather, of himself. He never had that urge to bully other lgbt kids like in tv shows, he just felt gross and predatory every time he even looked at another guy. His father’s open gay bashing didn’t help either. So he repressed all of until he left home, then in his confusing new found confidence, he started sleeping with men and women, never really dating them.

Somewhere in the back of his mind was his mother’s drunken crying,

 

_“oh Victor, what happened to my life”_

_“never fall in love, Victor, he’ll change and he’ll hurt you”_

 

Love wasn't real anyway

 

Then he met this guy, some football player (more like, benchwarmer) named Blake who at first was just a guy who didn’t act like a complete asshole at the club, and told him up front that he wasn’t looking for love. Victor respected that, the honesty. Because then when Blake leaves, he’ll be fine.

Somewhere down the line, Blake called him more and more often and they hooked up everywhere, and Victor didn’t mind because the sex was amazing. (Don’t get him wrong, Yuuri was the best sex he’s ever had, and that thing he did with his tongue blew Victor’s mind)

Then, Blake started getting possessive, and violent whenever Victor talked to anyone else. He yelled, he screamed and using all that football muscle to shove Victor around. And Victor realized that his mom was right.

When Victor tried to end things with Blake, the man nearly put him in a hospital. And that’s when he met this girl, Mila, who had a band with no lead singer. (Apparently their little song bird was too anxious to sing anything but back up) They were good, and music was Victor’s thing, so he joined them.

It was probably the best decision he’s ever made because he met Yuuri. Yuuri was gorgeous and extremely shy, they had this instant friendship and chemistry that Victor couldn’t describe. He didn’t hit on Victor or try to fuck him like everyone else, and Victor appreciated that.

Victor knew that he had romantic feelings for Yuuri for a long time, but he had to protect himself, so he never asked Yuuri out, even though he wanted to so badly.

Yuuri liked him too, Victor could tell, but he respected the fact that Victor wasn’t ready, and that made Victor want him more.

When they finally kissed for the first time, (Yuuri’s lips were so soft, and he looked indescribably beautiful) Victor realised that love was a real thing. He’s heard people talk about it, and watched movies about it, but he didn’t think it was real. But it was, and it was the best thing he's ever felt.

The beginning of their relationship was perfect- Yuuri was so sweet, kind and selfless. Victor remembered throwing money, compliments and kisses every chance he got, and saw Yuuri’s flustered, happy face when he did.

Then when they had sex, Victor knew that no one else could ever replace his song bird.

At one point, Victor let all his walls fall and told Yuuri everything about his life, from his homophobic father to his careless, weeping mother, all the way to that horrible, abusive asshole, Blake.

Victor saw a side of Yuuri that he’s never seen before. Aside from being unconditionally supportive, he was angry. He was angry for what Victor had been through and for Blake who betrayed his trust and hurt him. That night, they got drunk on tequila and limes and went to Blake’s house. They smashed his windows and destroyed his car. They almost got in trouble too. When the cops were called, Yuuri immediately turned into an innocent, scared kid and told them he was just there to hook up with Victor and didn’t see what happened. The police wrote them off as horny young adults and never bothered them again. (a nice, suburban neighbourhood like that didn’t have security cameras)

He doesn’t remember when or how, but Victor started getting scared. Someone so perfect like Yuuri was going to leave him someday and tear out his heart. He would do anything to prevent that.

He started getting jealous- and had this scared-angry reaction that he didn’t know was inside him. He yelled and he tried to stop Yuuri from getting along with anyone else. And when Mila suggested letting Yuuri sing lead for a bit, Victor thought she wanted him and was using that to win Yuuri’s heart. And if she somehow cures that anxiety, Yuuri would fall in love with her.

Of course, Yuuri improving his mental health and becoming more confident would make Victor incredibly happy, but selfishly, he wanted to be the one to get him there. So he stopped all of her attempts and sang lead, letting Yuuri comfortably harmonize in the background.

All of that fear and jealously started poisoning their relationship, Victor could tell. Yuuri doesn’t look at him the same way anymore and he always has that  _where did it all go wrong look._

It reminded him of his mother. He was so scared, his worst fears might be coming true, Yuuri would start falling out of love with him and end their relationship.

But Victor did that all by himself when he hooked up with some, chatty daughter of a music producer. And he watched Yuuri walk away, sad and defeated. It was the worst thing he had to see.

Afterwards, he was guilty, depressed and Yuuri wouldn’t answer his phone calls. He just wanted to apologize, beg for him to come back and tell him Victor would never yell, get jealous or do anything besides loving him ever again.

But after weeks of cold silence, Victor just wanted Yuuri’s attention, good or bad. So he started going on social media to brag to Yuuri about freedom, hooking up with attractive people and his music career.

Yuuri just ignored him, like he was a steaming pile of trash. And he deserved it, all the pain, loneliness and hurt.

And then all of a sudden, Yuuri was engaged.

To another gorgeous rich boy who was just as kind and loving as Yuuri.

How was Victor going to compete with that?

The answer was not to, he hurt Yuuri, and Yuuri deserved better. And the best thing he could ever do for Yuuri was to let him marry Ryan and live a happy life. He truly loved Yuuri, and he’d do anything for him. He promised himself and Yuuri that he'd step back, and just be a friend.

But then, Yuuri started smiling at him and he realised that he could not keep that promise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its hard to write like a normal person when ur a mess urself... sigh


End file.
